Amid Barracks Shortages, Navy Sends Excess Mayport Sailors to Martha’s Vineyard

Coastal Elites were up in arms when hoards of Mayport sailors were dropped on their marble door steps.

“These young men and women deserve better. Turning sailors into political tools should be saved for wartime, and our petroleum production doesn’t warrant that at the moment,” stated Sandra Connor, Martha’s Vineyard’s City Commissioner.

Meanwhile, officers and senior enlisted in Florida defended the decision. “America has been sending hordes of untrained, unkept, and unfit sailors to our local area for two generations. We no long have the resources to support them,” Admiral Duhsantees, Commander, Navy Region Southeast, said in a statement.

Sailors in Martha’s Vineyard were seen reuniting with distant family members who had just arrived in Martha’s Vineyard over the weekend, for some unknown reason. All of them were speaking Spanish.

At press time, Norfolk still sucks.