Charcuterie is Just Glorified Lunchables®

Oh look at you being all fancy, ordering charcuterie for the entire table. You pretend to like your salami as you smear it with off-smelling cheese to mask its objectively shitty flavor.

Don’t kid yourself, Charcuterie is just glorified Lunchables®. You eat it so everyone around you thinks you’re sophisticated enough to enjoy overpriced, expired meats. You’re not fooling anyone — we all know your pallet hasn’t changed in 20 years.

No, adding honey and sour jam doesn’t change things. You’re still that same seven-year-old, sitting by yourself at the losers’ table in the far corner of the cafeteria. The only difference is now you’re paying $17 instead of $1.69 for your lunchables. Enjoy your .2 ounces of cheese, asshole.