Kanye West Runs for Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff

In a totally unprecedented move, Kanye West has announced his candidacy for Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He promised to bring a new voice and vigor to the office.

“Psycho, I’m liable, to go Coast Guard take your pick. Navy, Army, Marines, Game 6.” Said the famous rapper, after he let Taylor Swift finish her first country song since the Bush Administration.

At press time, Tom Cruise was caught sucking off a Pilot in the ready room in Pensacola.