Tom Brady Signs for Department Head After Divorce

This isn’t even going to be a satire article. I really just want talk about the situation. Imagine being the most successful athlete of your generation with a jawline that can cut steel, and you still can’t hold onto a supermodel?

Just think about what that means for all you losers punching even just a few pounds above your weight class. Think about your measly workplace accomplishments like a some dumb safety award or a shitty meme page with barely 1,000 followers. Yeah, you don’t even come close to stacking up in terms of success or aesthetics to Tom Brady. Might as well sign and lie to yourself about how four more years at sea is good for you.