Ukrainian Military Gets New Printer Toner and You Don’t

Remember the last time your printer had enough toner to produce a legible copy of your Page 2? Yeah, neither do we. Your toner order was now put in 69 months ago, but budget cuts and supply shortages have stonewalled your request. Someone said COVID had something to do with it too. 

Ah, finally. You called supply and it looks like your toner is on its way. At least you’ll be able to print your DD-214 in a respectable manner. Wait, why is your phone ringing? Why is supply calling back? Hello? What do you mean that all the toner is going to the Ukraine? For fuck’s sake.

Turns out the legislation Congress passed just appropriated all of the DoD’s toner “to expedite security assistance to Ukraine to bolster Ukraine's defense capabilities”. It’s going to be at least 420 days until supply restocks.