Morning Quarters Changed to Morning Nickels After Budget Cuts

After spending all its funding on the F-35 and Zumwalt-destroyers that can’t fire missiles, top Navy Brass has determined that morning quarters is far too expensive to maintain fleet-wide.

“We are looking to trim the fat off our daily operations, and I’m not just talking about Department Heads and Chiefs,” Lieutenant Dee Znutz released in a statement. “Saving 20 cents a day per division, fleet-wide, is a step in the right direction.”

At press time, the Air Force released a statement saying their morning quarters will be upgraded to morning dollars after receiving additional funds for their again stealth golf course platforms.