Navy Celebrates First All-straight Bridge Team

While straight men have allegedly served in the Navy for the last quarter-century, the USS Millius (DDG 69) made history last week by standing up the first all-straight-male bridge watch team in Navy history.

This historic milestone has been applauded up and down the chain of command as evidence of a newer, more inclusive Navy.

Some however, we’re skeptical of the claim.

“Everyone in deck department saw ENS BoyGeorge, who was on the ‘historic’ watch team, making out with something that wasn’t a woman in Bangcock.”

At press time, the Navy was still mostly gay.