Navy Admiral Goes Back Into the Closet

Admiral Dick Grynder, Director of Naval Nuclear Thrusting, the highest ranking officer to come out, has decided to go back into the closet, along with the Pride Flag he hung up in his office.

“Look, I didn’t mind the rumors. I didn’t mind not being able to love anyone openly, and I didn’t mind the decades of homophobic discrimination I faced while giving my heart and souls to my country, but there were some consequences I just did not anticipate after coming out of the closet.”

What he did not anticipate, of course, were all the dick pics he was going to receive.

“This may be the least gay thing I’ve ever said, but honestly I was getting tired of receiving dick pics. Like literally hundred of them a day,” the admiral said as he walked into a local gentleman’s club to keep up his image.

At press time, Admiral Grynder had received 690 dick pics that day.