“Sewn-on Rank Tabs” is the New Ensign’s Only FITREP Bullet Point

After spending the better part of his half-day of work reading other DIVO’s FITREPS, new check-in ENS Dumbut couldn’t think of any line items for his own.

Defeated, a feeling he would become accustomed to, he went down to the JO jungle to take his pre-Burger Wednesday shit. After he pretended to wash his hands, he looked in the mirror. Wow, his bars felt so heavy and empty at the same time. They represented his theoretical responsibility but practical uselessness. At least they were sewn on.

Wait, that’s it! His rank tabs were sewn on. That represented a forward-thinking, safety-minded young officer that’s focused on attention to detail. There’s a solid FITREP bullet point right there.

At press time, our friend ENS Dumbut was enthusiastically dropping off his FITREP with the wrong routing sheet into his DHs box.